For the past few days the Internet has been telling us that the medium of Blogging, and especially Irish Blogging is now dead. Well maybe not quite dead but certainly forced into a retirement home by the very kids that it had created. Probably sat in the day room next to AOL and Friend’s Reunited. Having been succeed by it’s faster, more accessible, more immediate cousin Twitter the humble Blog is now obsolete. In fact Blogging is such a product of the Noughties it may as well develop a stutter and call itself Gareth Gates.
Of course this news has coincided with me having a growing desire to start writing one. Figures.
There are many reasons why I have avoided starting a Blog. For a start I simply hate the very word itself. Blog, coined by Peter Merhlolz (thanks Wiki) is a contraction of Web Log and is yet another example of the current obsession with shortening absolutely everything. A trend that reached it’s height last year in the Red Top Press with both SuBo and JedWard – although why they didn’t go with CatLady and CuntFaces I will never know?* However to my ear it sounds more like an abbreviation of what I do to my poor mother’s toilet after a hearty Christmas lunch or an onomatopoeic word for the sound I make after reading some of the self-indulgent literary masturbation that many choose to spunk onto the Internet.
Secondly, people get desperately obsessed with their Blogs. To a Blogger every living moment, every chance encounter is only there to serve as inspirational fodder for their online diaries. To the point that you begin to wonder that if a bear shits in the woods and doesn’t write about it on the Internet, does he really shit? I would rather eat a cock flavoured lollipop than become one of those people who’d end their days laying prostate on the pavement, insides splattered all over some old ladies bumper and their last words are: “This’ll look great in my Blog.”
The final reason I resisted starting one is simply that everybody else was doing it. Yes, I freely admit that this is purely a product of my own elitism. I pride myself on being one of those people who love finding new music, only to disregard it as soon as it enters the mainstream. The minute I hear my favourite song played in a supermarket it shall be stricken from my play list. If the rest of you are in, I’m out.
So why start now?
Mainly due to that scoundrel murderer of the Blog; Twitter. Just like drinking Budweiser is a gateway drug to drinking actual beer, Twitter has been my doorway into Blogging. I originally started Twitter as a business tool for my surf shop but slowly and surely it has mutated into a social platform. At first I was skeptical. The idea of shouting random thoughts at the Internet seemed ludicrous and for a while it felt like I was in blacked out room with a sudden case of Tourette’s syndrome. However the longer I persevered, the more and more wonderful people I met. The type of people who shared the same thoughts as I do. The type of people who are funny and loquacious. The type of people who you’d want at your dinner party. The type of people who would actually take the time to read this. And I liked what they had to say and conversely (and heartwarmingly shocking to me) they seemed to like what I was saying too.
So 5000 tweets later and I feel that I am now at a stage where I want to say more. I want to contribute more to the argument than 140 characters will allow me, so I have started this Blog. I have become the subject of my own vile, a Blogger. As yet I am not exactly sure what this Blog will be, it may be personal, it may be topical, and it may just point at things that amuse me. Or (and this is just as likely) it may simply sit here collecting dust like the double bass I got last Christmas that is currently mocking me from the corner of the room. Thanks for reading.
*Although my hatred of this trend may purely be due to the fact that my name already sounds shortened and often leads to the ‘hilarious’ realization that it sounds like Bent Fart.